Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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