So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
