I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
