There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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