if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
