its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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