the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
