I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
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