Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
