Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
