i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
