saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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