this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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