Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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