im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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