dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
