Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
