youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
