Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
