At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
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The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
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