Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
