I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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