Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
