one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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