he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
