If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
