Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
