is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I am naked and annoyed.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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