The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
