Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
