I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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