Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
