you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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