i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
