I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
