That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
