yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
