My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
