So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
