i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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