she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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