doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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