What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
