Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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