there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
