Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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