So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
