i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just high enough for therapy.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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