He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
