I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
